Your Competitive Edge
I don’t know about you, but growing up, the loud and clear message was to work hard to be THE BEST. My father probably missed the day in Parenting Class where they talked about “giving it your best effort”… haha!
But he definitely was in attendance for “only being #1 is acceptable.”
I think a lot of men are raised with this messaging to strive to be the best. The urgency to get top grades, get into a great university, work for a prestigious firm, live in the best neighborhood… you see the pattern, right?
Yet here we are, approaching or already in our Chapter X. What do you do with that lifelong inner wiring of striving? Is it useful now? Can you turn it off or dial it down? I think that we are our wiring, but we can learn to channel that energy in new ways. Ways that bring more joy, more fun, and more engagement, without the toxic side of competition.
The idea that we have to be great at everything we try is, well, frankly stupid. We can try something new and, regardless of how it goes, show up with curiosity and a sense of humor. To me, that’s success.
If you’re highly competitive, here are a few things to consider:
Focus on self-awareness. Ask yourself why something matters to you. Is the drive to be great coming from genuine interest—or from ego and old programming?
Learn to laugh at yourself. FFS, life is too short to take everything so seriously.
Get feedback from someone you trust. If you’re a tightly wound bundle of intensity, maybe it’s time to talk to a therapist, coach, or spiritual advisor who can help you lighten up.
To be honest, I struggle with this sometimes, especially when it comes to music. I still catch myself in criticism when I don’t play well, which is entirely silly since there is nothing at stake.
I’m working on it…how about you?
Our fathers' histories - the Great Recession, World War II, and the cultural mindset that you or I need to compete for success - would, of course, result in the idea that you need to "work hard to be the best." But Michael, recognition is the first stage before enlightenment. See it for what it is and why it happened the way it did for our fathers. It had to be this way. They did what they thought would protect us and guarantee your survival. They believed he was doing right by you and me. What I've done is look for the contributions it made in my life, the training in discipline, not accepting failure as final, getting up off my ass when knocked down, pushing me to levels of performance so I could succeed, rather than what harm it did. We need to remember that at any moment, we are the chooser of how we want to interpret our past.